1st Annual Golden AssRabbit Awards
Mom has let me have the blog today, so we have no Sparks for you. Instead, I am sharing my entry in Hermes LuxuryCat’s Golden AssRabbit Awards.
Hermes’ mom asked him what he wanted for his fourth birthday, and he told her he wanted to host a contest to celebrate his “furends” caught being naughty. So, this is my entry in the contest.
Am I Really Bad?
I am not really a bad cat. I would say that I am inconsiderate and thoughtless. I am not even certain my humans would call be bad. They would probably go with naughty, and definitely naughty enough to earn me the nickname of “shit head.”
It all started when I decided to take a little walkabout around the neighborhood. When I turned around and looked at Mom with an expression that screamed, “neener, neener,” and then went poof and disappeared, I should have suspected right away that I would be in trouble. But wanderlust had taken hold, and I was off on an epic adventure.
That epic adventure lasted three-and-a-half weeks, but I had no idea. I can tell time. I know exactly when to show up for my meals and treats, but the passage of time is pretty much beyond my comprehension. I discovered that I have a really terrible sense of direction as well. I had wandered a mile away in the opposite direction from where I had started.
I do know I got darn hungry and when someone started putting treats and stinky goodness along the sidewalk near the house where I had been spotted, I couldn’t help myself. It took a couple of hours, but finally I started to sneak out of the shadows, have a few nibbles then hide again. Eventually I saw who had placed the bowls as she kept moving them closer to where she was waiting. When I realized it was my mom, I started letting her get a bit closer each time before I would run off again. Finally I let her sit down right next to me. She talked to me and let me smell her fingers. But, I did not jump into her arms or lap or make any move to let her know I was happy to see her.
After a long chat by her, she grabbed me. It was then I realized she wasn’t just bringing me food so I could continue my adventure. She was catnapping me. I guess that is when I turned from naughty to BAD! I hollered and growled and snarled and hissed. I bit her over and over again until she got my head wrapped up in her t-shirt. I clawed her and scratched her until her clothes were covered in blood, but she didn’t let go.
I was so mad, especially when she got to the car, wrapped me up in a towel and stuffed me in the PTU. I was certain I would suffocate, and I made her worry. I never make a peep when I am in a PTU on the way to and from the vet. And I didn’t make a peep on the way home. She even jostled the PTU to see if I would move. I did. I shouldn’t have.
The amazing thing occurred when I got home: I didn’t get any punishment anymore than I had been by that rough capture and transport. I did have to start taking my meds again. I also was sequestered in the bathroom and then in our large, portable, pop-up enclosure until I could see the vet. I got lots and lots of stinky goodness and treats, as I did lose a lot of weight.
Though I was the one who was naughty, I have forgiven my mom for her grabby hands. Before my adventure, I slept next to my dad 90 percent of the time. Now I am sleeping glued to my mom’s side. And I am letting her give me the kisses on my head that she likes. I guess I am finally glad to be home…the catio, four squares a day, treats, toys and companionship are pretty nice.
I can’t say I won’t be bad, naughty, thoughtless or inconsiderate anytime in the future. I am a cat after all.
So that’s my story. What do you think? Am I a bat cat? If you think so, you can vote for me. Voting begins today at 9 a.m.and continues through Wednesday, August 18. It will close that day at 6 p.m. ET. Click here to vote for me or any of the other entrants.
If you think cats do not belong on the kitchen counters, that’s one more reason to vote for me in the Golden AssRabbit Awards. I dare you not to! I think you can tell from my expression how serious I am.
This is my entry in the Awww Mondays blog hop at Comedy Plus. If you’d like to hop along click on the badge below.
The Adventures of Periwinkle & Stinky
Tomorrow is my favorite day of the week, as that is when Periwinkle and my alter ego, Stinky, share an adventure. We will be taking off from here tomorrow at The Cat on My Head for this week’s adventures, which promises to be oodles of fun. Periwinkle and I really, really hope you will join us.
Purrs and paw-pats, Sawyer