Universal Bill of Rights for All Cats
- Humans shall make no law prohibiting the free exercise of all cat-related activities pertaining, but not limited, to playtime, treats, napping, nipping, horking, litter scattering, speech, defined as meowing, chattering, caterwauling, purring, hissing or growling, or to assemble (peaceably or not) to demand from their human playtime, litter box maintenance, food, treats, nip or warm-from-the-dryer laundry on which to sleep.
- A well-regulated group of catchers of mice, bugs and other vermin, being necessary to the security of the home, the right of the cat to keep and bear claws and fangs, shall not be infringed.
- No human shall, in time of peace or war, deny entry of a cat to the human home, unless said cat is a mortal enemy of the cat(s) currently in residence.
- The right of all cats to be secure in their furs, houses, toys, food, treats and nip, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated EVER. No situation exists that would constitute probable cause.
- No cat shall be held responsible for any offense, including but not limited to counter surfing, theft of the humans’ food, breakage of items belonging to humans, horking in the humans’ shoes or anywhere else for that matter, smacky paws with fursibs or humans, and especially for no perceived offense against woofies or demented squirrels.
- Should any human accuse a cat of wrong doing or perpetrate a crime against the cat, the human shall be put in time-out, for an appropriate amount of time as determined by the cat, or imprisoned for life depending on the severity of the crime. Any and all fines levied are payable in treats, nip or scritches or any combination thereof as determined by the cat.
- In suits at common law against a human, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty pounds of treats or nip, the human’s right of a trial by jury of the resident cat(s) shall be preserved, and no fact tried by said jury shall be otherwise re-examined in any human court of law.
- No action by a cat shall result in bail, fines or cruel and unusual punishment, such as withholding of treats or by the use of verbal or physical reprimand, regardless of what a human deems “proper cat behavior.”
- The enumeration of rights in this document shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the cat.
- The powers and rights delegated to all cats by the Bill of Rights shall be sacrosanct. No human may challenge, waive, deny or change any of these rights by amendments to this document.
Signed and implemented this 23rd day of March, in the year 2016 by:
Lily Olivia Blue
Misty May Blue
Calista Josette Blue
on behalf of all cats worldwide.
© Janet Blue The Cat on My Head 03/23/2016
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We have decided that this furry impawtant document will be studied by all Our furrst-year students at the Feline University of Jerusalem Law School, as part of the compulsory course in Natural Rights Law.
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This Bill of Rights should be hanging on the wall of every home everywhere! Even if the home doesn’t have resident cats!! Thank you all for writing this. This will be a historical document that all kitties everywhere will study and learn about for years to come. Apaws, apaws!!!
Sampy sends a kiss to Astrid for every law ever written (for any species), and we all send lots of love!!!
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