Home Alone


So the humans left us again on Monday afternoon. They didn’t have the tandem, took the red car and only had a very small suitcase. It appeared to be a quick trip, but we weren’t sure until dinnertime came and went. Maggie did not show up to feed us, so we figured unless we had been abandoned totally, they would return soon. And they did.

Twenty-two hours later they appeared at the door, and we got our breakfast, albeit three hours late, but it was still breakfast. They were talking about something called a Fleetwood Mac (Is that any relation to a Big Mac?) and a place called Charlotte, North Carolina. We figured that’s where they had been but really didn’t care. We were just happy to see them, especially when that suitcase was unpacked and put away.

But something was definitely rotten in Roanoke, as we were not being allowed on the catio. We were thinking it was due to Astrid’s escape the previous morning*. Maybe the humans were trying to make some kind of ill-conceived point about our outdoor privileges. Like we all should be punished for the antics of one sneaky and naughty meowmate.

Misty May, "Are you kidding me. You two are leaving again?

Misty May, “Are you kidding me? You two are leaving again.”

But then all our food bowls appeared on the kitchen counter as well as multiple cans of food, a spoon and an unopened bag of treats.  We knew then we were looking at some nefarious plan on the part of those thoughtless humans. The next occurrence sealed our fate: two very large suitcases appeared downstairs. What could they be thinking? They’d only returned an hour and a half earlier. Was this some new Frustrate the Felines game?

And then they were gone. It seems they were heading someplace called Reno but only after returning to the aforementioned Charlotte and then Phoenix. Isn’t that a bird? We really think it’s a bird and unless they’re planning on bringing it home roasted and ready to eat, we are less than pleased by their plan to visit it. Doesn’t make any sense to us.

Anyway…it seems Dad has some volleyball stuff to do. Mom is going along to visit a friend from high school. We’re not sure what the heck a high school is, but we think her trip is definitely unnecessary. Normally, she’d be getting a big fat raspberry from us, but she asked if we could please be good kitties, not complain and not trash the house. Sure, we’ll be good…in what universe? She left us alone on World Cat Domination Day and was leaving again, so we figured we didn’t owe her any favors!

She told us, however, that they would be gone only one week of a trip originally planned for two. We weren’t sure why she thought that should make any difference to us. She added that they had planned the second week for a visit to her step-mom on the west coast, but she had passed away. Some of us know what that means ‘cause we’ve had brofurs and sisfurs leave us the same way. That made us very sad, so we knew Mom must be very sad as well and perhaps we needed to give her a break.

Calista Jo, "Hey, where are my new mousies? I promised to be good, so unless one or more of you want to get smacked, you better paw them over right now."

Calista Jo, “Hey, where are my new mousies? I promised to be good, so unless one or more of you want to get smacked, you better paw them over right now.”

So we promised to be on our bestest behavior, and we are trying really, really hard. She left Maggie the flying red dot toy and asked her to play with us a little each day. She thinks if we’re tired, we won’t have the energy for an effective house dismantling. Of course, not all of us are interested in the flying dot. We do, however, have all of our other toys as well as Calista’s two new catnip mice. So maybe, we can survive.

I’m sure Mom will let you know how successful we were when she gets home. And we hope all our friends will understand why we are not inviting you over for another good, old-fashioned trashing. Next time (and there better not ever be one of those), we will not be so good-hearted and obliging. We’re just giving those inconsiderate, gallivanting humans fair warning now so they can contemplate any future decisions regarding our desertion.

Astrid, "Do I really look like a naughty kitty to you?"

Astrid, “Look at what a good kitty I am, just relaxing in the sun on the upper deck. I absolutely would never jump off of here.”

* Monday morning after breakfast and our release to the catio, Dad looked out the kitchen window, turned and said, “There’s a cat in the backyard that looks just like Astrid.”

Mom replied, “Really? It can’t be. She’s on the catio, isn’t she? I better go check.”

And, Guess what? It was Astrid. The only explanation the humans came up with was that she went to the accessible, unscreened upper deck, jumped from there to the top of the gas grill just outside the catio, then to the deck followed by a leap to the yard. She gave Mom the run-around over and over and over again for the next hour. If she weren’t stuck inside with the rest of us, she’d be grounded for sure.

Purrs and hugs, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, naughty Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Josette

P.S. We are sorry that we have been slacking off on commenting, but our typist when Mom is away, Giulietta, has thrown up her paws in disgust. She says that she’s tired of us all talking at the same time and never letting her type anything she thinks is pertinent. Lily Olivia and Misty May have both put their paws down and said that such menial labor is beneath them. We are working on training Lisbeth for the job, but she is a very solitary cat and not much interested in what the rest of us want to do. So, for the time, we are muddling through as best we can.