MAN-CAT MONDAY WITH A RANT BY MAURICIO

by Janet Blue on January 20, 2014

My butt IS NOT this big. We all know that the camera adds ten pounds.

My butt IS NOT this big. We all know that the camera adds ten pounds.

Preface: One of the very best things about Cat Scouts are the noms. We have them in our Wolverine Patrol Den, at our Worldwide Wildcat Troop Headquarters, and of course, at the Campfire! Some of the scouts are gourmet chefs! And now each of our Patrols has a Grubmaster to make sure we are well- and healthily-fed so as to be ready for any and all competitions. I do not hold that position in my Patrol. I’ll admit that I much prefer eating the noms to preparing them. This is not to say that I over-indulge. Whomever has been spreading such a rumor is just jealous ’cause my girlfriend is the prettiest girl in all of Cat Scouts.

Anyway, I have faced some ridicule at home the last few weeks. My sisfurs and Mom say that I am becoming portly. Mom claims that I have not eaten my breakfast on a few occasions, which has led her to the conclusion that I have been chowing down at Campfire every evening. I swear I have no recollection of either event. I always eat my breakfast and any other cat’s I can wrap my lips around. So I absolutely have no room for Hello Kitty donuts, birthday cake, hot chocolate, bacon or any of the other less healthful fare available. I only drink cucumber water provided by Sushi or have an occasional cup of nip tea.

See, my butt looks much better from the proper camera angle.

See, my butt looks quite well-porportioned from the proper camera angle.

In some lame attempt to prove she is correct, my ridiculous excuse for a mom, bought this shirt for me (which is at least two sizes too small) and enrolled me in Gold’s Gym Feline Fitness Program. I bet you didn’t even know there was such a thing. Well, neither did I, and I am outraged that this prestigious company would stoop so low as to pander to the whims of our feline pawrents by instituting such an unneeded program. I know that I get all the exercise I need wrestling with C.J. before every meal and chasing the red dot around the house, not to mention the hiking at Cat Scouts.

And, I honestly don’t know when she expects me to find time to pawticipate in such silliness. I am Assistant Leader of the Worldwide Wildcats, and I am Scribe, Cheermaster and Birthdaymaster for the Wolverines Patrol. Those all are serious responsibilities and take up oodles of my waking hours and even some hours when I rightfully should be enjoying a restorative snooze. Additonally, I have my pawsome, sweet and loving girlfriend, Allie, with whom I already don’t get to spend enough quality time.

Look at these biceps! I am totally buff!

Look at these biceps! I am totally buff!

She says that I must be a part of this foolish feline fitness routine until this shirt (which I’m pretty sure was actually designed to be worn by some shivering dog) fits. Rude…just plain rude and totally unrealistic! For COD’s sake, she bought a size small. That is a huge blow to my ego. I am the man-cat of the family after all. This thing might fit Astrid, Misty May or Lily Olivia, but they are all minuscule lady-cats! Well, I am sorry, but I must cut this short as I am off to Campfire to see what’s cooking for lunch. If I have to be a part of this fitness regimen, I must keep up my strength!

Purrs and paw-pats, Mauricio

 

 

Noodle January 23, 2014 at 12:36 pm

I think you look hot!
My human gets the ” healthy weight” food which tastes as bad as it sounds!
What’s a few extra ounces here and there…just more of us to love!

Noodle

Clooney January 22, 2014 at 9:33 pm

Mauricio, don’t panic buddy…you looks very buff to me and you has awesome guns (biceps)!
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speedyrabbit January 22, 2014 at 1:02 pm

you look pretty slim to me mate,xx Speedy
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Cathy Keisha January 21, 2014 at 5:45 pm

That small shirt sounds like kitty abuse to me. Demand she take it off you or go on strike. Cats aren’t fed nearly enough but are always put on diets. Maybe if you don’t drink water like me, she’ll be forced like my peeps to give me an extra meal to get my liquids.
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Oui Oui January 21, 2014 at 2:34 pm

Really! Your mom should have bought a size MANLY! We love the thought of a grubmaster! What kind of grubs do they fix??? Nice fat, tasty ones we bet!
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Andrea and the Celestial Kitties January 21, 2014 at 2:12 pm

Anyone will look pudgy in pictures taken from bad angles! I thnk you look just fine, handsome too! I think you need extra treats to get over being picked on.. 😉
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Timmy Tomcat January 21, 2014 at 10:42 am

Mau I agree with you that getting enough exercise is not the issue. We get plenty already. I wrestle with my whole family when we have Cat-Training sessions. Dad was amazed to find I am 14.5 pounds and equal to Buddy Budd.

I would suggest picking up the wrestling a tad. Or you could go online and buy a bigger shirt and swap them when Mom is not looking! MOL. That is the smart Scout Way!

*Timmy Salutes Mau*
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The Florida Furkids January 21, 2014 at 8:57 am

Mau,

I think that shirt shows off your rugged muscles!!! You look very handsome to me!

Smoochies,
Allie
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Cindi Lou & The Kitty Krew January 21, 2014 at 12:59 am

We thinks your posterior is quite attractive and not at all too large. It’s all in the camera angle you know.
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Spitty the Kitty January 21, 2014 at 12:38 am

Mauricio! First, what on EARTH is your Human doing putting a HANDSOME, SATINY-FURRED creature like yourself into some stoopy T-shirt for at all??? Let aone, on several sizes too small!! Whatever size you are is the PURRFECT size for you! Forgive me, I know she’s your Mom and all, but PFFT! Take off the da*n shirt and give that gorgeous hunk of ManCat a nice brushing as penance for shaming him like this!
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Katnip Lounge January 20, 2014 at 11:36 pm

You are CERTAINLY less than wide in the glide, Sir! Your Mom is just prolly jealous that you are such a fit and handsome specimen while she persists in being hairless and bi-pedal. It’s a burden we all bear…
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vera ersilia January 20, 2014 at 8:59 pm

Mau you look great even if the shirt might be a tiny bit too small… – even so you look GREAT ! hugs to you if you like them. Vera
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BeadedTail January 20, 2014 at 8:09 pm

We think you look very Mancatly in that shirt Mauricio!
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The Island Cats January 20, 2014 at 7:15 pm

That shirt shows off your muscular physique, Mau! Y’know, I went to the vet with Ernie today and got weighed. I was SO surprised that I haven’t gained any weight, considering how we eat at Scouts. I got lucky…

Wally
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Silver Kitten January 20, 2014 at 7:08 pm

Ooh the igniminnty of it!! Protest!!! Yell, shout and make a racket. You are your own shape – make it a statement!

Mum can’t find a tshirt small enuff for me – she worries I am too far the otehr way “He’s so THIN’ she brumbles!! I am FIT I am active – I am SLENDER.
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Judy & C.A.T.S January 20, 2014 at 6:53 pm

I think you look great, Mau. It is not your fault that shirt is too snug. Your Mom bought the wrong size (Sorry Miss Janet) and the camera angle is wrong. Good Luck with that gym membership thing, it sounds horrible. My Cat Scout uniform is getting rather snug too. Maybe we can talk Gracie into altering our uniforms for us. Your Cat Scout Buddy, Andy

Pee Ess: I think I will head over to the campfire now. I’m sure there won’t be a spread of food over there. wink wink

Brian Frum January 20, 2014 at 6:06 pm

DANG! But you do have lots of style my friend!
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Flynn January 20, 2014 at 5:49 pm

Your human didn’t take the most flattering photo of you did she! Of course the camera lies, everyone knows that really you have a fine fizz-eek!
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Austin Towers January 20, 2014 at 4:11 pm

Mau, I also feel your pain!! Just in the last few months – coincidentally from the time I joined Cat Scouts – I have become a bit more girthful! I maintain that it’s my middle age that’s spreading and not my girth!! However, truth to tell there have been some very tasty treats lately around the campfire and also in WW and the patrol! A cat scout mustn’t be rude as to refuse hospitality! 😉
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Sparkle January 20, 2014 at 3:57 pm

Mauricio, that shirt definitely is too small for you. Not fair!

P.S. I am an XXSmall or an XSmall. But I am less than 5 lbs.
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Swami Zoe January 20, 2014 at 3:09 pm

Mauricio, I think you look studly! Me-Ommmmmmm
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The Swiss Cats January 20, 2014 at 2:46 pm

It’s clearly a shirt for kitten : you don’t have a big butt at all ! Purrs
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Molly The Wally January 20, 2014 at 2:15 pm

OMD you too. Surely it is just your Winter coat??? Peoples are so silly sometimes. Mine keeps checking my waist. She thinks I don’t notice. Have a marvellous Monday.
Best wishes Molly

Whisppy January 20, 2014 at 1:38 pm

That shirt was clearly for kittens. We see nothing but muscle rippling under that shirt!
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Angel Abby January 20, 2014 at 1:37 pm

Mau I think you look very muscular like a athlete and you’re right that shirt is two sizes to small!
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McGuffy Ann Morris January 20, 2014 at 1:36 pm

We think you look awesome! ~xo~
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Sammy January 20, 2014 at 1:31 pm

Oh Mau – I feel your pain (although I’m laughing so hard I’m actually not in THAT much pain!!!!). I think that color shirt is quite nice on your furs BUTTTT I agree that it is just a tad too small….all those muscles bulging – well – it may impress the girls however I bet you can barely breathe!

You’re the greatest Mau no matter what size your….er…..umm….muscles are!
Your Scout Buddy, Sammy
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MyThreeMoggies January 20, 2014 at 1:09 pm

Big boned is really very furry moggie 😉
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Katie isabella January 20, 2014 at 12:51 pm

You look handsome and NOT portly at all.

mariodacat January 20, 2014 at 12:37 pm

I feel your pain pal. I’m on a d.i.e.t. cuz my v.e.t. says i’m obese! Can you believe such a thing. Now I admit I don’t get much exercise cuz well I’m an only cat – no one to tussle with. But M tries to play with me, cept she doesn’t pick out very good toys, and it’s more fun to watch her play with them! By the way – you look pretty handsome in that sweater!
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