UNIVERSAL BILL OF RIGHTS FOR ALL CATS

Universal Bill of Rights for All Cats

Universal Bill of Rights for All Cats

  1. Humans shall make no law prohibiting the free exercise of all cat-related activities pertaining, but not limited, to playtime, treats, napping, nipping, horking, litter scattering, speech, defined as meowing, chattering, caterwauling, purring, hissing or growling, or to assemble (peaceably or not) to demand from their human playtime, litter box maintenance, food, treats, nip or warm-from-the-dryer laundry on which to sleep.
  2. A well-regulated group of catchers of mice, bugs and other vermin, being necessary to the security of the home, the right of the cat to keep and bear claws and fangs, shall not be infringed.
  3. No human shall, in time of peace or war, deny entry of a cat to the human home, unless said cat is a mortal enemy of the cat(s) currently in residence.
  4. The right of all cats to be secure in their furs, houses, toys, food, treats and nip, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated EVER. No situation exists that would constitute probable cause.
  5. No cat shall be held responsible for any offense, including but not limited to counter surfing, theft of the humans’ food, breakage of items belonging to humans, horking in the humans’ shoes or anywhere else for that matter, smacky paws with fursibs or humans, and especially for no perceived offense against woofies or demented squirrels.
  6. Should any human accuse a cat of wrong doing or perpetrate a crime against the cat, the human shall be put in time-out, for an appropriate amount of time as determined by the cat, or imprisoned for life depending on the severity of the crime. Any and all fines levied are payable in treats, nip or scritches or any combination thereof as determined by the cat.
  7. In suits at common law against a human, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty pounds of treats or nip, the human’s right of a trial by jury of the resident cat(s) shall be preserved, and no fact tried by said jury shall be otherwise re-examined in any human court of law.
  8. No action by a cat shall result in bail, fines or cruel and unusual punishment, such as withholding of treats or by the use of verbal or physical reprimand, regardless of what a human deems “proper cat behavior.”
  9. The enumeration of rights in this document shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the cat.
  10. The powers and rights delegated to all cats by the Bill of Rights shall be sacrosanct. No human may challenge, waive, deny or change any of these rights by amendments to this document.

Signed and implemented this 23rd day of March, in the year 2016 by:

Lily Olivia Blue Mauricio Blue Misty May Blue Giulêtta Blue Fiona Blue Astrid Blue Lisbeth Blue Calista Josette Blue

on behalf of all cats worldwide.

©  Janet Blue The Cat on My Head 03/23/2016

{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }

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Jaimee March 12, 2018 at 8:17 am

OMG this is funny!
And so relatable. I am very, very sure our cats feel this way and this is likely an actual thing that’s been discussed amongst them for years.
I love the “no cat shall be denied entry into the home, unless they are a mortal enemy” – you should add “or unless they haven’t decided if they want to come inside yet”. My cats stand forever at the threshold of my home and it’s a great debate in their mind if they are ready to come in.

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Lori Hilliard April 13, 2017 at 9:39 am

I don’t know….what if the humans decide to revolt? They are slowing evolving, you know. Not to the level of felines, but still….:-)

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Ellen Pilch January 21, 2017 at 9:29 am

I must print this out. I agree with everything except maybe the time-out for humans 🙂 XO
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The J-Cats December 17, 2016 at 4:26 pm

We have decided that this furry impawtant document will be studied by all Our furrst-year students at the Feline University of Jerusalem Law School, as part of the compulsory course in Natural Rights Law.
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Katie isabella July 5, 2016 at 2:05 pm

OH I love every word! How perfect!

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Kitty Cat Chronicles March 29, 2016 at 8:44 am

This Bill of Rights should be hanging on the wall of every home everywhere! Even if the home doesn’t have resident cats!! Thank you all for writing this. This will be a historical document that all kitties everywhere will study and learn about for years to come. Apaws, apaws!!!
Sampy sends a kiss to Astrid for every law ever written (for any species), and we all send lots of love!!!
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Austin Towers March 27, 2016 at 5:24 am

Seems very reasonable to me!! I think this should be printed, framed and on the wall of every home where there’s a cat!! Excellent!!
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Meows, purrs, hugs and MOLs are greatly appreciated. Please no hissing, spitting or scratching unless you want one of us to whap you!

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